Mum’s cancer diagnosis

It’s February 2015, it’s bloody cold outside, and Mum and I are going shopping. Mum had a routine mammogram booked in for that morning, so en route to town, we swung by the NHS screening van that sat in big Tesco’s car park, she got her boobies out, squished ‘em into the machine, and thenContinue reading “Mum’s cancer diagnosis”

Birthdays

On the drive home from work the other day, UB40’s Kingston Town came on the radio. It was the day before my birthday and that song is one of those songs that instantly reminds me of Mum. It hit me really hard and made me emotional. On my birthday this year, Sam and I wentContinue reading “Birthdays”

What gets lost in loss?

Before loss, I was coming towards a pretty secure understanding of my identity. As a person, woman, daughter, partner, sister, friend, colleague. Grief has changed, warped, deconstructed and rebuilt my sense of identity and self. Your identity changes when you’ve had a serious bereavement. Loss caused me to have a wide range of complex emotionsContinue reading “What gets lost in loss?”

Dear Mum

Mum, I miss you more than I thought I would be able to feel anything. Every day something reminds me of you and I wish more than anything that I could hold your hand and hear your voice again. I am so sorry that whilst you were ill, I felt so angry all the time.Continue reading “Dear Mum”

Mum’s cancer journey

Mum was diagnosed with cancer on the 9th December 2016. The diagnosis came after she found a lump in her left breast (whilst she was sat on the toilet), and had a month of tests, scans and biopsies. She went into her diagnosis and treatment with positivity and resilience. That year, we had a lovelyContinue reading “Mum’s cancer journey”

Losing my Grandpa

Deda was Nan’s husband. He wasn’t related to us by blood. My maternal grandfather passed away in 1966. Nan met Deda in the late 70s and they soon married. He was in my Mum and Uncle’s life from their teenage years up until his death, and treated them as though they were his own children.Continue reading “Losing my Grandpa”

Exercise

The year that Mum died, I decided I was going to run Cancer Research UK’s Race for Life (5K) in her honour. She died in March and the Race for Life was booked in for 10th June. By the time I’d set my heart on doing the race, I had ten weeks to train myselfContinue reading “Exercise”

Missed Opportunities

Lockdown restrictions for Covid-19 have cancelled all public events and holiday travel. I have found it difficult to be positive about the changes in our trajectory. Let’s start at the beginning; I’m a bridesmaid for my friend who was due to be getting married earlier this year. Firstly, her hen do was cancelled. We wereContinue reading “Missed Opportunities”

After Life : Season 1 Review

After Life is a black humour sitcom series streaming on Netflix. It was created, written, produced and directed by Ricky Gervais. He also plays the lead character, Tony. It follows Tony’s life and journey with grief after the premature death of his wife, Lisa. Series one premiered on 8th March 2019. There are regular mentionsContinue reading “After Life : Season 1 Review”

Five Things I’ve Learnt so far – Part 5

Lesson number 5 – Grief is unpredictable. Grief. It’s a tricky business, isn’t it? It can be confusing, complex, lonely, overwhelming. It also happens in a different way for everybody. In the case of terminal illness, grief could start when your loved one/significant person is going through the process of dying. Retrospectively, I felt griefContinue reading “Five Things I’ve Learnt so far – Part 5”